courting and release

the baby playing for the mama.


today, i step yet again into the court room for the well-being of my son. i am nervous as always. monday is also another hoop to jump through. this has gone on long enough, since before samadhi was even born.

people are saying all kinds of things about me, that i "abandoned" my son, that i don't want him. in the tiny town i grew up in, youngsters are gabbing, "so, what's the deal with her just dropping off her kid?"

everyone has a comment, an opinion; yet no one's spoken to me. no one has asked questions like, what happened or what's going on? how are you feeling? or maybe, is there anything i can do? instead it's just a nasty little chain of gossip from folks who couldn't stomach half of the struggles i've gone through.

up until about a month ago, i doubted the validity of my existence, the validity of my motherhood. i wondered if all of the things "they" were saying (some of my own family members, old friends, acquaintances, what have you) weren't true. wasn't i a bad person? wasn't i a drug addict? didn't i deserve everything that's come?

the answer is no. i do not deserve to be without my son, i do not deserve these behind-closed-doors judgements. i am not trash. in fact, i happen to think i'm a pretty great person. i've always worked hard, have never hurt anyone intentionally, and help whenever i can.

how many of these folks share my experience in social activism and community service? how many have been awarded experiential scholarships in art, writing, and leadership? more importantly, how many of them have had the courage to keep their children from conception?

why do we spend so much time tearing each other down? i am tired of the feelings of dread, tired of being judged. i am not going to stand for it anymore. i challenge anyone to live their lives as openly as i've lived mine. after that, i am welcome to any criticisms.

until then, i will take questions, and answer them to the best of my ability.

mustache, mustache.

this is the kind of thing life is all about. that's correct, mustaches.

me, personally, i'm more inclined to enjoy a fully clothed face, complete with connecting beard and lipwarmer. however, the mustache does have it's time and place.


my friends at the american mustache institute have done the glorious thing of making a top seven list of professions for men who wear their shame in public.


while i agree with most of this, i feel the mustache institute should have thought about this a little more. the most successful top lists start from the lowest level of awesomeness and work up. here, we see police officer immediately, and are set up for disappointment both comically and aesthetically. yes, cops (more effectively, state troopers) with mustaches are in fact a reliable go-to for a good mustache ride joke. but civil war re-enactor? also, for the sake of authenticity, does the term cop also cover mounties? and what about "psychopath" as top profession?

alas, i must say i do like the village people reference, but did one of my favorite golden girls deserve that? i think not. i suppose what i really want to see is a more clear hierarchy of facial hair. that is all. of course, if you're gonna go, you might as well go all the way:

i am going to charm school

we've been successful as a clan lately, it's been exciting. as it would happen, i actually got the spot for the charm school competition. this was the email i stumbled across this morning:




Hello,

Great SA. Would you mind if I printed it in our March issue? You are definitely in. We will contact you toward spring with more details.

Warmly,Melanie Beres



i am going to charm school. don't know what i'm talking about? see here. i am terribly excited once again.





upon entering my office this morning, i was in a pleasant mood. the ride to work was pleasant, my mother and i discussed my entry to the citigal charm school competition. i thought it was funny. we also talked about my little brother's success as a potential fellow at viterbo university in lacrosse, as well as his lead role in horlick's production of joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat .




we are taking over, one institution at a time. who's next?

How to Find a Job You Love in 10 Steps

1. Apply. Include well-tailored resume on fancy paper with no smudges or coffee stains.
2. After about a week, call back to touch base, or to remind them that you exist.
3. Arrange interview at an inconvenient time, for example: mid-shift at your current job, where your bosses are unaware of your attempt to jump ship.
4. Put on most uncomfortable professional outfit and smile. Promise to work at a modest (if not downright embarrassing) wage.
5. Put in your two week notice.
6. Send a thank you note instead of one that says “Seriously, hire me. I really need this job.”
7. Eat wasabi peas by the telephone while you wait for the coup de grace.
8. Pretend not to be upset when you are informed you have lost out on this job to someone “more qualified.” Imagine a stunning grad student with perfect teeth and a bright future.
9. Tell yourself you didn’t want this job anyway. Mumble incoherently. Use expletives.
10. Withdraw your two weeks’ notice. Head back to the drawing board.


Unfortunately, this is the way most of my job searches go. While I’ve an impressive array of skills and abilities, I haven’t had the opportunity to showcase them in a professional manner. Where in your resume do you list that you are a leader, after telemarketer or college drop-out?

Lack of professional experience and my age are enough to get me pushed right out of the rodeo doors of the corporate world. As a single mother at the age of twenty-one, I’ve got more skills with crib sheets than spreadsheets.

If I want to make this whole career thing work out for myself, I’m going to need all the help I can get. Enter Citigal Charm School. This is a chance to put myself out there for the world to see. Alright, fine, maybe just Milwaukee for now, but a gal’s got to start somewhere.

I have some experience, just nothing that wows. I’m working to fix that by serving as an Americorps member in the Public Allies program. I’ve been placed at the American Red Cross, but my ten month placement is halfway over. Then it’s back to my foolproof job hunting method in addition to juggling parenting and community service.

Why not kill two birds with one stone? If I’m able to hone my skills under the guidance of an experienced female mentor, it’s win-win. I get a great opportunity, the mentor gets to pass on her knowledge to someone up and coming, and the non-profits receive innovative fund-raising assistance. And hey, that thousand dollars doesn’t sound too bad, either.

So what do you say Citigal? I think I’m the one for this position. I can even send you a resume on fancy paper. Don’t be scared, I won’t disappoint. I’ll be next to the phone with the wasabi peas.